All I have to say right now, is that this better not be my life for the rest of my life.  I can’t follow this path.  I just can’t do it.

Hubby asked me if I wanted to go down to Madison 2 weeks from now for an extended weekend to visit some of his friends.  My first thought was, “where’s the fun for me?” but I pushed that from my mind because I know how much he misses his guy friends all the time. 

Quickly I decided that I would like to do that because I may get to cruise with my friends, but remembered that I have to work on Monday the 1st.  I’m picking up shifts, 1) because we need coverage that day, and 2) we need money like Whoa.  Hubby looks at me like I just shat on his world.

I CAN’T be sorry about this.  I had the option of working a day shift, when I usually work nights, so that was a bonus right away.  I get time and a half because it’s a holiday and the extra money will be very helpful.

Now that I remember, I have Book Club on that Saturday.  I REFUSE to feel bad about this because I don’t have friends here.  There, I said it.  I am wallowing in a friendless pit of despair and bordom.  I do NOTHING with my free time except clean the house and take care of the dogs.  It’s driving me crazy.  I don’t want to vernture out because we have a lot of bills to pay off, and I don’t think a day at the spa (or a shopping spree, or a tank of gas to see my family, etc.) would be very condusive to our getting out of debt.  I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore.  I desperately want to have fun and I am holding myself back.

I can’t stand it here right now, I’m so angry at everyone.  Shut up shut up SHUT UP!